The First Lunch

[emily]

The sound of clanking silverware and loud conversations filled the air of the Great Hall. Amongst these sounds was the soft sound of footsteps moving towards the line. Emmi found her place in the line and was now waiting for the food to be served onto her plate. Behind her the small girl could hear some of the other students talking, "Yeah I totally made out with her!" "No you didn't, she's out of your league." "YEAH I did. She was totally in to me." Emmi would clamp her hands over her ears to drown out some of the noise had her hands not already been holding her tray.

Most of the people around her were close to the age of 18, if not older, and it was only adding to Emily's fear of large crowds. She finally got to the front of the line and muttered a soft thank you as the cafeteria lady plopped her food down onto her plate. Now finally free of the line, the fourteen year old girl looked around for a place to sit. Most of the tables already had a numerous amount of students sitting at them, and unwilling to go and weasel her way into a spot at one of their chittering tables she made her way to an empty table.

She sat down at the table, careful to not drop any of her lunch in the process. Her backpack slid off her shoulders, landing with a thud on the floor. Emily began to eat some of her lunch but suddenly didn't feel so hungry as a jealousy of the talking people around her grew within. She didn't wish any harm on those people as she seldom did on anyone but she couldn't help but wish to be with them.

[Seth Turner]

He could feel it the second he walked through the doors. Power and energy flitted through the air with ease, calling to him as loudly as the students called to each other. Seth didn't allow himself the feeling of unease as he stared out into the carefully made cliques and groups. The thought of finding a table didn't bother him at all. He would sit wherever he wanted to sit, preferably somewhere near the center. He smirked, walking towards the line to receive his food. He offered a charming smile to a girl in the line, who turned away, proceeding to giggle with her friends. Amusement flickered across his face, but he shook it off as the line began moving forward. "Yeah I totally made out with her." Seth barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. This was the kind of thing that he avoided in a school setting. Besides, why brag about kissing some girl, when you can brag about whatever power that you possess? He shook his head, receiving his food with a smile to the lunch lady.

Realization slammed through him harshly. Every table was full, crammed to its limits. Sure, he could squeeze in somewhere… Yet, with the power radiating off each and every person in the room and the need and desire already running him ragged, he couldn't… To find a spot, he would have to be touching people and with his current mood, he would accidentally absorb their powers. While Seth had no real qualms about borrowing the abilities of others, he honestly didn't want a run in with the Headmistress this quickly. He narrowed his eyes with annoyance, glaring out at the sea of tables and looking for a seat that wouldn't require him to be right next to someone else.

His dark brown eyes finally landed on a table, a young girl seated completely alone and looking far more awkward than anyone else in the room. She was one of the younger students, he realized. Seth made his way towards her, careful to keep from bumping into others on the way there. Only two tables away he could hear the whispers. "Look at her, it's pathetic. Sitting all alone." "She knows she doesn't belong." "Maybe in a couple of years." Seth leaned over the table with a predatory grin. "You should be careful who you talk about." He said companionably. He let his hand brush the shoulder of one of the girls, barely drawing her powers. She gasped and he retracted his hand. He flicked a finger up and the water in her cup jerked to the side, flipping it over onto the table. He pointed. "You might want to clean that up." He gave a cheerful wave and continued towards the other table.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked with a grin. "Great." Seth settled into the chair opposite of her without waiting for a response. He glanced back up at her, taken again by how much she looked like his old friend. His sister, he had always called her. Gritting his teeth, he managed to give her a relaxed smile, leaning back in his chair and watching her. He waved a careless hand. "The infamous first lunch. How's it going?"

[emily]

Emily pushed her tray a little to the side and ran a hand through her dirty blonde hair. She thought about letting her phasing power kick in and going right through the floor. But she didn't know what laid below the Great Hall and didn't feel like accidentally ending up in some classroom. Her blue eyes suddenly widened as she heard footsteps heading towards her table. She let out a soft groan, expecting to have lunch dumped on her. But much to her surprise a young man invited himself to sit down across the table of her. Is this some sort of trick? He probably got dared to do it . . . Although that is what she thought she couldn't help but hope that it wasn't true and struggled to keep an optimistic mind.

"The infamous first lunch. How's it going?" Him speaking to her threw her a little off gaurd and almost completely rid her mind of any suspicions regarding why he was sitting with her. For is was dared to do it he could have just sat down and eaten his lunch without talking to her. She almost forgot that she had been asked a question, "Its going okay . . . I guess." Her voice was a little on the quiet side as her shyness kicked in but at least she had spoked and that was good enough for her.

[Seth Turner]

It would only last him so long. Already he could feel the buzz beginning to fade and the coveted feeling draining from his system. The touch was feathery, light, almost nonexistent. He could feel his body struggling and straining to keep it, not wanting to relinquish the rush that it had given him. Such a small dose to, barely enough to be felt. The contact had been brief and yet it had set him on fire, wanting more. He rubbed the back of his neck with a quiet sigh. He needed to focus, but something that draining took its toll on Seth when he was so distracted. This need had started out as a want and now he couldn't seem to control it.

He jerked his gaze to the girl, who sat, looking rather shell-shocked over his sudden appearance. A grin claimed his lips as he reached out for his drink, taking a sip but watching her steadily. She seemed unsettled, but strangely hopeful. The first day was always rough, especially in a crowd that could do more damage than other schools even dreamed about. He glanced around, feeling the weight of people staring. He offered a sardonic grin, raising an eyebrow in their direction. True to their cowardly hearts, they looked away as soon as he made eye contact. He settled his drink back on the table and looked back at the girl. Settling in his chair comfortably, he smiled.

"You know, I always find things far more convincing if they're said with a certain amount of…" He paused as if thinking of a word. "Enthusiasm." He picked up a french fry and with a brief glance of suspicion, deposited it into his mouth. His free hand tapped a beat out against the solid table top. He could feel it; her power. It was ever present, but less controlled due to her age. Her inexperience allowed him to feel it more keenly than the others in the room. He swallowed uneasily but kept the friendly smile on his face. She was just a kid for goodness sakes!

"Name's Seth." He informed her between bites. "Thought I'd let you know since I can tell the question has obviously been bothering you." He spoke in a casual manner, teasing her lightly, afraid that if he went farther than that she would turn tail and run. She looked like the shy type, which didn't surprise Seth at all. She looked like bambi thrown in with the hunters.

[emily]

Emmi blushed slightly at his comment but knew it was true and that when she was first meeting people she spoke fairly quietly. She watched his fingers tap against the table and began to mimic the beat. She kept up the beat until he stopped. Her fingers slowly stopped tapping and she watched him swallow with a sort of nervousness.

"Name's Seth. Thought I'd let you know since I can tell the question has obviously been bothering you." She smiled a little at his friendly jab at her. "I'm Emily . . . some people call me Emmi though." Some people? What some people? She hardly knew anyone and the only people that called her Emmi were members of her family. But she figured if she brought out her nickname it may seem that she had more friends than she actually did.

Now feeling a little more comfortable Emily was open to asking questions. "What's your power?" Her blue eyes seemed to light up a little and her head tilted with curiousity, causing a couple strands of her dirty blonde hair to fall across her face.

[Seth Turner]

Amusement tilted up the corners of his lips as he watched her turn pink. He always found it funny how easy it was to make girls blush. Even funnier that they couldn't help it. He smiled vaguely as she tapped against the table in time to the beat that he had set. Interesting… He mused silently as he watched her. As his hand stilled against the table, hers followed hesitantly. She seemed to take her cues from the people she was around. That could help or hurt her, depending on the people she chose to associate with. Or, the people who chose to associate with her.

He smiled. "Emmi it is." He ate another french fry as he studied her. She looked lost, but strangely independent, not wanting help but wanting a friend. It was an odd mixture of emotions and Seth wasn't really sure what to think. She seemed to be a contradiction. Then again, almost everyone was. Some people called him a contradiction, but he couldn't see it. All they saw was the front he put up, nothing deeper, so they had no room to talk. He leaned in with a conspiratorial grin. "I'll let you in on a secret then. Seth's my middle name." He leaned back in his chair, tipping it back on its two back legs. Speaking one sentence and she already looked like she regretted it. He was trying to make her feel… welcome. It'd been a long time since Seth had worried about someone else. She just looked so innocent. Everything he wasn't.

Her question caused him to pause, his smile dropping away. He was struck with the sudden desire to lie, to not let her know what his true power was. Wouldn't it be easier that way? The dangerous powers were treated idly here. But the power of absorption always seemed taboo. Not a real power, but something dangerous and illegal. Like his power was the capability to steal the supernatural. Some people feared him for it and no matter how much he wanted to deny it, he didn't want to scare Emily - Emmi. He rose a hand and with a deep breath, sought the strands of the borrowed water bending power as it slipped away. He crooked a finger, and a small tendril of water snaked out of his glass. Hesitantly it seemed to form a star, before falling back into his glass. Let her think he could manipulate water. Let her think anything but the truth. "Yours?" He asked with a smile.

[emily]

Emily laughed softly as he mentioned that Seth was his middle name. This brought on another curiousity as to what his real name was but figured that question would be better for another time. If there was another time that is.

She watched him tip the back on two legs and couldn't help but think that it would fall with him in it. Emily held her breath for a moment, expecting the chair to come crashing down and shatter all of the talking in the Great Hall but no crash came. Emmi watched his face turn into one of reluctance as she asked him about his power. Have I done something wrong? Maybe I was a little too forward . . . She bit her lip gently, worried that she had asked that question too soon.

Her regret slowly ebbed away though as he moved his finger to let a stream of water flow out of his cup and form a star before splashing back down. She grinned at the little design of water he made and listened to his responding question. "I can phase through things." The fourteen year old let her hand sink into the table, but quickly pulled it out for fear that she might lose control of her power and accidentally cause her whole body to phase through the floor. "I'm still learning how to control it, but its fun to never have to use my dorm key." She smiled as her body and mind started to relax.

[Seth Turner]

He smiled, amused by the fact that she had reined in her curiosity about his first name. Most people went ahead and asked him, especially those who were younger. Seth had always thought younger kids were more open, and more curious, always asking questions. Constantly. It seemed Emmi was a little too shy for that. For some reason, Seth liked that. He liked not having to answer an endless number of questions. Especially the one that was so obviously hanging in the air, why had he decided to sit with her. She was obviously a good three to four years younger than him, if he was going to guess at her age. He just hoped she wouldn't ask, since he wasn't sure what he was going to tell her.

She looked worried. His answer seemed to satisfy her though. As he watched the last drop of water merge back into his cup, he felt the remnants of the power of water fade away from his grasp, returning every last piece to its rightful owner. He only had the power to borrow. He wondered, how he was going to answer her question, if she ever wanted to see another lovely display of his water manipulation gift. Unless that was someone nearby, he had no hope, unless he could deter her. It was stupid, to be hiding something that he usually flaunted. He had dealt with the fear, the anger, the disbelief, the aversion and even the awe. Now, he wanted none of that.

Interest lit his dark brown eyes. He watched her hand phase straight through the table, but she jerked it back out as soon as she had put it in. He guessed it was due to some fear of control. It was understandable, for someone so young to be nervous about using their powers, afraid if something went wrong. He found it curious that he wasn't struggling with the desire to borrow her power, even with the fresh energy lingering in the air around him. He chuckled at her statement. "Now there's something I never thought about. Very convenient for you." He shot her a lopsided smile. "How'd you find out?" He asked her curiously, brown eyes wide with interest. His own experience was something he didn't like to relive, but he found that you could tell a lot about someone by how they found out about their powers.

[emily]

"Now there's something I never thought about. Very convenient for you." Emily did actually find it convenient as sometimes she would walk through walls in order to get to places faster. Although most of her teachers didn't appreciate her appearing through walls and not the destined entrances. But she didn't always use her power as a shortcut as sometimes she just used them to hide from other students. If she could bring objects with her when she phased through things she would have eaten her lunch inside a wall had she not known that someone would actually sit with her.

Emmi then listened to his question of how she had discovered her powers in the first place which she was happy to answer. "Well, I discovered them when I was about ten I think," she mentally counted back the years in her mind and confirmed that she was ten when she found out about her power, "and my father and I were playing tag in the house, running around and all. And we got so caught up in the game that I forgot to look where I was going and I almost crashed into a wall." She smiled, remembering the times she spent with her parents normally made her quite happy, unlike the so many of the other mutants with their less than satisfying pasts. "I closed my eyes but when I opened them I found that I was in the room bordering the room I was running in. Turned out that I had phased right through the wall." She ended her story and started to realize how childish she must have sounded, having discovered her power during a game of tag. Netherless Emmi turned towards Seth, waiting for his reaction.

[Seth Turner]

He put his hands back behind his head, letting himself relax for once. Well, at least attempt to relax. Blinking slowly, he regarded her with a lazy grin. She was quite the thinker when she wanted to be. Sitting there quietly, he wondered if she was giving up on conversation all together. He tipped his chair back again, the ease of it bringing him a level of comfort that seemed odd. The racket of the lunch room seemed to fade out, and for whatever reason, he was grateful. Happy to focus on something other than the dire need he always felt. It was sated for a time, but that small a taste would never last him long, no matter how much he wished it would.

When she started talked, he watched her calmly. She seemed happy to answer, almost thrilled that he was interested. Or maybe, that anyone was interested. She hadn't seemed to expect company for lunch today. And on any other day, Seth might not have approached her at all. He just hadn't felt like being pushed over the edge today. He let himself relax, letting go of the tense grip he had held over his powers. Not touching anyone, he could be comfortable, not worrying about absorbing every single person that touched him.

"Three years earlier than me." He said with a grin. Her story was sweet. The thought was bitter to him. Nothing was sweet. Nothing. He didn't bother wishing his story could have been similar. It wasn't, and there was no point in wasting his time thinking about what could of been. There was only what had been, and what had been, wasn't worth thinking about either. "Fun." He muttered the word devoid of emotion, but managed to force a smile for her benefit. It wasn't childish to him, it wasn't something she should be ashamed about. "Be proud that's how it happened, 'kay?" He told her with a fading smile.

Leaning back in his seat, he'd become unfocused, unaware of his surroundings. His chair jerked out from under him. He could feel himself crash backwards, straight onto the student that had been hurrying by. He let out a gasp as the power flooded his senses, temporarily making him see only white, hearing nothing, feeling nothing. Power. A grin rose unbidden to his lips. He could feel a gasp, dragging him back to earth. A girl lay trembling on the ground, ashen features showing a stark contrast to her black hair. He jumped back, shock widening his eyes. All eyes were on him. Attention. All he ever wanted, all an accident. All with the worst timing. He glanced over at Emmi. Emily. His brown eyes were glazed with the influx of power in his system.

Emotions flooded through him. Fear. Shock. Distrust. Anger. Disgust. They pounded against him savagely. He jerked back around, focusing on the girl, already picking herself up from the round. She watched him with narrowed eyes. He could feel the hatred radiating off her stiff form. Empathy, that was her power. To read people and to control their emotions. He couldn't help it, the power in his grasp, he had to use it. He projected his thoughts, felt the power stretch out. Her anger melted away into something far more gentle, embarrassment and apology. "I'm sorry…" She murmured, darting away in the crowd, cheeks burning. He grinned.

[emily]

She frowned inwardly, struggling to keep a smile on her face as he spoke. Even at a young age she was still smart enough to realize when someone was conflicted with their past. But he seemed as though he had a least a little control over it and let it be, not wanting to bring back any unpleasant memories for him. He told her to be proud of her past and how she discovered her power, her answer came back in a soft voice. "I do, I take much pride in it."

The young girl watched him lean back more in his seat. She was about to suggest that he not do that before he got hurt but it was too late as the chair came crashing down. Emmi jumped to her feet, knocking over her glass of water in the process. She didn't bother obssessing over the spilt water though, instead she rushed over to Seth who was laying on the ground, his eyes glazed with a sort of forbidden pleasure. The girl he had crashed into was glaring at him and because of her empath power even Emily could feel the strong emotions of hatred pouring out of her.

The feelings were so strong that Emmi gripped the table to keep herself on balance. She knew now that Seth was an absorber and by the smile on his lips she could tell that he had a sort of addiction to the powers he could absorb. Had she not spent time and talked with this boy she would have dissapeared straight into the floor and never looked at him again. But she had already experienced his kind side and wasn't going to abandon the one person who had bothered to talk to her.

Slowly the empath's anger ebbed away to be replaced by a feeling of embarassment. She watched the dark haired girl run off to be comforted by her friends who were now sending Seth dirty looks.

Emmi walked over to the older boy and bent down to grab his hand in an effort to help him to his feet. She could feel a jolt run through her body and her pupils dialated. A sharp breath escaped her mouth but she refused to let go until she had hoisted him to his feet. Was this what he was addicted to? Feeling such power course through him? As much as the jolt as stunned her she knew that she was fine. She noticed how the rest of the students looked at Seth with disdain and fear because of the power he was given. Emily was actually surprised to find that she didn't mind the strong feeling. She didn't actually like it but she found that it wasn't quite so bad as many of the others played it off to be.

A thought suddenly came to her. I could be his power addiction. It would keep all the others from having to go through the shock of having their power absorbed. If he ever did choose to become her friend she decided that she would allow him to zap her of her power whenever he wished, purely for the sake of keeping the others safe from it.

[Seth Turner]

He offered her a wooden smile as she spoke. She took pride in her past, something he could never say. History was best left forgotten in Seth's mind, and here she was, happy to talk about it. She was so innocent to the way of the world. It was likely she had been sheltered all her life by these parents she spoke so highly of, like they came straight from some fairy tale. Gritting his teeth, he looked away from her. She looked unhappy now, probably because of his sudden mood change. His addiction made him temperamental at best and there was no point in an apology to cover up who he was. Unfortunately, he was already knee deep with the lie he told her. A water manipulator. How much easier would his life be if that was his power? He shook of the question. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had thoughts like that. It was time to suck it up and live in the real world, where everything goes wrong.

It was so sudden, the change, that Seth could barely process it himself. He couldn't imagine the thoughts running through everyones mind at this one moment. Then again, he could. He could feel the weight of their emotions pressing down on him, crushing him, stifling the life right out of him. He let out a gasp, but the maniacal smile stayed on his lips, setting them in a permanent curve. He pushed back with her powers, shoving away their emotions and now their faces blanked, shocked by the whirlwind of their own feelings coming rushing back. He curled his hands into fists, fighting the urge to make every last one of them eat their thoughts. Make them change their minds about who he was, just for the thrill of it. Then again, what was stopping him? He grinned, struggling for a grip over the power.

The leash had been seth on the power, and he was ready to let it go, flooding the minds of everyone nearby. To bend and twist them to what he wanted them to feel, to think about this moment. A touch startled him out of his thoughts. Startling white flashed once more across his vision, the world blinked out of existence. It was just him and the familiar stimulation of the power coursing through his veins. He could feel the two abilities in his system, butting heads and fighting for dominance. Compliant, too busy fighting the internal battle to care, he let himself be pulled back to his feet.

The world seemed to grow around him, becoming taller by the passing second. Startled, he glanced down, finding his body half submerged in the floor of the cafeteria. He was phasing right through the ground. Phasing. The word shocked him into recognition of the young girl that was still standing at his side. She had touched him, and with his heightened sense of euphoria, he had unwittingly absorbed a part of her power. Now she knew. Seth should've known not to lie about his true powers. Why he had cared what she thought to begin with was something he would never figure out.

He felt the fading strings of the empath power. He could feel it, feel her acceptance. It washed over him soothingly, the fear of always being alone with no friends faded. With a deep breath he gathered up the power within himself, ignoring the stares of the student body. He felt it burning hot within him, at his very core. Such control scalded him. He held out a hand to the girl, Emmi. "I'm sorry." He whispered. Seth, sorry. What a laughable thought. He was never sorry, but perhaps, this was the closest he would ever come. He let the phasing power take hold of him, he slipped through the floor, disappearing from the cafeteria.

[emily]

"I'm sorry." She gave him a small smile. "There's nothing to be sorry for." Emmi could still feel a slight quivering inside of her, a lingering bit of the jolt she had felt earlier. Before she could say anything else he disappeared through the floor. He seemed to be almost afraid of acceptance and not sure how to respond to it. The best way he seemed to know how to deal with it at the moment was to hide and phasing through the cafeteria floor. Everything went quiet for a moment and her heart was racing. She didn't want him to go and be left alone in the cafeteria with all the stares and the whispers.

Emmi pushed her bag under the cafeteria table, knowing she couldn't take it with her when she phased yet she was worried that other students may fool around with her stuff. She tried to ignore her worried thoughts and phased through the floor.

Considering that the Great Hall was on the ground floor they had phased into the downstairs game room. A girl jumped away from her as she unexpectidly appeared next to her. A face of annoyance appeared on her face but Emily ignored it and scanned the area for Seth. Her blue eyes finally found him, sitting in one of the chairs bordering the room.

She ran over to him, weaseling her way through the crowds of people. Before he could phase through the floor or a wall she spoke, "You don't need to run away from them you know . . . that's just giving them what they want," Her voice grew softer towards the end, realizing that this applied to her too. By running away from her problems she was letting the others treat her like an outcast. She swallowed a lump in her throat before trying to speak again. "And . . . and they don't deserve to get the satisfaction."

[Seth Turner]

Her lie was kind, something that he hadn't expected. Kindness was a myth to Seth, everyone was mean, they all had a dark side. Seth was just more obvious with his dark side. People needed to get over the fact and start living up to who they really were. He glanced down at Emmi, who smiled up at him. So innocent and naive, maybe she really didn't have a bad side and she wasn't just an actor like everyone else he'd ever met. He regarded her with a cool suspicion, as he did everyone. He didn't bother to wait around and see if she would follow him. There was no use in waiting. He wasn't dependent on her, he could find someone else to make him feel accepted. The moments were rare but not impossible to find. He had done it once and he could do it again.

He could never get past the way it felt, slipping straight through a solid object. A smile tilted up the corners of his lips, eyes dancing with excitement as the power pumped through his body. What would it feel like to have this gift permanently? Seth had often wondered if there was a way to make his ability to borrow the supernatural have more concrete effects. If he could find a way to keep all the powers he'd ever taken. He smiled. It was an impossible thought, but it was just crazy enough for him to try. He'd always had a fondness for the impossible.

The room beneath the cafeteria was on the larger side, though it was darker down here. A game room of sorts, Seth quickly realized. He stared into the shocked faces of the students with a smirk. Turning away, he walked to the edges, content to revel in the power that currently entertained him. Before long it would disappear and he would be left with the craving that could never be filled. For now though, he could relax and bask in the warmth that pulsated through his body. Enjoy it while it lasts, he thought to himself.

Innocence, that's what her voice sounded like to him. He glanced up, a small smirk on his face and an eyebrow quirked at her statement. She was concerned about him, but more than that, she was concerned about herself, knowing that she was running just as much as he was. Everyone was selfish at their very core. "Maybe it wasn't about running. Maybe…" He grinned. "It was about giving myself what I wanted." He settled back in his chair, crossing his legs at the ankles. "But I assure you, the satisfaction was all mine." The power did this to him. It always brought out his worst. Let her see who really was, Seth was done hiding.

He hopped up from his chair, bending over slightly and slinging a friendly arm around her shoulders. With his free hand, he gestured towards the people in the room. "But you're on the right track." He nodded his head, thinking to himself, but talking as he went. "You should learn to stand up to them yourself. Show them you can't be messed with and you won't run away." He shot her a wolfish grin. "Give 'em a scare." He straightened up, looking down at her, wondering what she would do.

[emily]

Maybe it wasn't about running. Maybe . . . It was about giving myself what I wanted. But I assure you, the satisfaction was all mine." Emmi flinched at his words, honestly it scared her. At such a young age her innocence and naivety had been preserved but his words managed to chip a little at it, taking away a bit of something she couldn't regain. It made her fearful, not feeling much control in the situation.

This wasn't the Seth that had sat across from her at lunch and talked with her. He was different, and the fact that his personality had changed so quickly and so dramatically confused her and added on to the fear. But it also made her angry. She was angry that she had finally had the experience to talk with someone but now it felt like it was all going south. Emmi wanted to blame him for that but because of how quickly he had changed character and how it had only happened once he got a taste for another's power she knew it was only his addiction playing him. And she couldn't blame him for something he couldn't fix.

Emily watched Seth hop up from his chair to place an arm on her shoulders. Had she not been wearing a jacket he could have absorbed her power again. Even with the jacket on she still tensed under his touch, as though he were a stranger.

"You should learn to stand up to them yourself. Show them you can't be messed with and you won't run away. Give 'em a scare." She looked up at him, almost not believing that this was the boy she had sat across from. But she managed to cling on to her optimism and reminded herself that it was only the addiction. "If I do that then I'm no better than them . . . I don't want to be feared." Emmi could barely hold his gaze as her eyes took in his wolf like grin and dark brown eyes. It was true that she should stand up for herself but not so that people were too scared to talk to her.